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Today Memes

Cosmo the Intern

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of a tumblr post showing three separate comments. The first post says "Learned today that my ex-husband buys his weed from a lesbian dominatrix that banned him from DJing at her sex club because he kept playing his version of 'Lean on Me' made entirely of samples of Homer saying 'd'oh'." The second comment says "AMAZING". The third comment says "Every word in that sentence is better than the last".

Heroin Monkey

Monday
DECEMBER
Today was fucking dreadful.
Me and the boys were just watching porn on the
school computers in computer science. Nothing harmful.
You know how it goes, though. There's always s
bitch across the room, just waiting, dying to ruin the
fun.
Some
WHAT
GREG IS WATCHING
PORNOGRAPHY, MR
JIZZLE!
"PANT
PANT
THE
ZFUCK?!
The next time I see
snitch is fucking dead.
Patty, I swear to god, that
1

Anonymous

A screenshot of a text message conversation. The first message is from "Roger from doordash" who asks to pick a number between 1 and 10. The recipient replies with "4". Roger responds "Wrong, no food for u". The recipient then asks "What", "Why", and "Roger please".

Anonymous

An image of an iPhone message thread. One message says, "Missing u like crazy rn.." The response is, "What the fuck." Then, the first person writes, "Shit autoco" and "Autocorrect." Below that is a message from AT&T stating, "All of the add'l 1GB of shared data added to your plan in this billing period is used. We've added another shared 1GB FOR $15 to your plan for use through 3/20/2022. Avoid add'l data charges by using our..."

✨Jassy✨

Me today and everyday in existence

Two cats lying down, seemingly exhausted. One cat is leaning against the wall, with its mouth open. The text on the image says: "When you need to clean but have no motivation so you just sit there for a while like".

Anonymous

Shitpost-master general

Two tubes of Burt's Bees lip balm are superimposed in front of a grim reaper image, with the text "today I will eat two charpstick" at the bottom.

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a headline from an Op-Ed piece with a picture of an old wooden cabin and a man with a white beard. The text reads: "Op-Ed: Today's Youth Simply Don't Have The Work Ethic To Build The Gulags Needed For Their Communist Ideals."

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a series of repeated text messages. The first message is "Check out this meme", which is followed by "I saw that earlier". This pattern is repeated several times in a messaging app format with some nesting of message threads.

Heroin Monkey

A banner that says "VIBRATOR RACES TODAY" hangs over a booth where multiple vibrators are laid out on a table.

Heroin Monkey

A dog's face is shown in an upward-looking shot. Above, the following text is written: "Teacher: Today we will... Kid named the socioeconomic state of Sudan:"

Anonymous

Genuine question to you all

The image is a table with the title "How are you still alive!?" There are eight numbered rows, each with a different answer: #1 "I'm not." #2 "I HAVE NO IDEA!" #3 "I had to go to work today." #4 "I'm doing science and I'm still alive." #5 "Too much swag." #6 "$7.52". #7 "yro'ue" and #8 "Spite". There's a signature "Bc" in the top right corner.

Jazzy💕

Me bitchhhhhhhhh

A young boy with brown hair smirks slightly at the camera with the caption "guess who's feeling extra emotionally unstable today"

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of a message request from the user "Local_toaster_fucker" saying "Check your toaster." The options are to accept or ignore the request.

Heroin Monkey

It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.

GG Miller

MORE DAD JOKES

✨Jassy✨

Me but at school

A baby with its eyes closed and fingers in its ear is shown along with the text "WALKING INTO WORK LIKE 'LAWD YOU KNOW I NEED MY JOB, PLEASE BLESS ME WITH A CALM SPIRIT TODAY'"

GG Miller

MORE MORE DAD JOKES

Anonymous

A screenshot of a text message exchange. In the first message, the sender says, "You a pussy ass nigga." The recipient replies, "Who is this?" The sender responds, "The nigga you robbed." The recipient claims it's the "wrong number". The sender says "Get that nigga cuh" and the recipient says "I'm trying."

Anonymous

A screenshot of a text message conversation. One person sends a series of increasingly demanding requests, such as asking for social media passwords and demanding the other person to unfriend girls. The final text from the other person says, "Bitch done lost her mind."

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