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Today Memes

Heroin Monkey

A top-down view shows a pair of feet wearing black, white, and red striped slide sandals on a light brown carpet. In the upper left corner of the image, a large brown cockroach is visible on the carpet. A black bar across the center of the image contains the text: My Gucci slippers came in today.

Heroin Monkey

A cosmic image shows a large, dark dragon wrapped around the Earth, emanating destructive fiery energy. At the center of the fiery vortex, a smaller Earth-like sphere is visible. The text above the image reads: "YO MORDECAI, CHECK THIS COOL LAPTOP I FOUND IN THE TRASH TODAY" and "4 MINUTES LATER :".

Heroin Monkey

A close-up shot of two fortune cookies with a slip of paper in front of them. The text on the paper reads: "A kind stranger will piss in your ass today. Panda Express."

Heroin Monkey

A dog wearing glasses and a hat sits on the floor. The text on the image says, "Today is Thursday which means Dexter commits money laundering."

Heroin Monkey

A dog's face is shown in an upward-looking shot. Above, the following text is written: "Teacher: Today we will... Kid named the socioeconomic state of Sudan:"

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a blue M&M character lying in a casket. The M&M is wearing a red baseball cap with the letter 'M' on it. There are colorful M&Ms scattered on his chest. The text overlay reads, "The hood lost a real one today."

Heroin Monkey

A person in a yellow vest with an open mouth is superimposed on an image of space. The image text says "Me when the monkey types out 99% of Shakespeare's literature just to finish it off with "W Gyatt kai Cenat Ohio Rizzler Skibibi fanum Tax did you pray today edger of the sigma" before going back to typing gibberish (I've been waiting 892 trillion years for this)".

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of a message request from the user "Local_toaster_fucker" saying "Check your toaster." The options are to accept or ignore the request.

Anonymous

Shitpost-master general

Two tubes of Burt's Bees lip balm are superimposed in front of a grim reaper image, with the text "today I will eat two charpstick" at the bottom.

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of a text message conversation. The first message reads, "Why you using tinder?" The second message reads, "My boyfriend died last year so I'm just trying to get back in the dating scene really :)" The third message reads, "Damn thats sad." The fourth message reads, "On our first date we should use a ouija board to get his permission to smash." The final message reads, "What the fuck is wrong with you."

MATTIX

A car is on the freeway, taken from the perspective of the car behind it. A text overlay says: "This guy cut me off on the freeway today. I'm not even mad."

Yugi

FUCK YEA

The image shows a text about the life and work of Niels Bohr, a physicist. The text discusses his impact on physics, his theories, and his role in history.

Adolf kitler

#2

A grid of nine different cat images, each with a different facial expression. Above the grid is the question "Which cat meme are you today?"

Adolf kitler

A white fluffy cat with a grumpy expression. Text overlay: "When your human won't feed you for the 42nd time today:"

Heroin Monkey

A timeline shows that the most important events in history include the invention of the wheel and fire in the past, and the fleshlight today.

Anonymous

A screenshot of a Discord chat between two users. The first user, with the name Doll, admits to being hypersexual and horny. The second user initially responds with understanding, but then states that they were thinking of the first user while they were having these feelings. The first user responds with "That's bad."

Cosmo the Intern

Heroin Monkey

It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.

Heroin Monkey

Monday
DECEMBER
Today was fucking dreadful.
Me and the boys were just watching porn on the
school computers in computer science. Nothing harmful.
You know how it goes, though. There's always s
bitch across the room, just waiting, dying to ruin the
fun.
Some
WHAT
GREG IS WATCHING
PORNOGRAPHY, MR
JIZZLE!
"PANT
PANT
THE
ZFUCK?!
The next time I see
snitch is fucking dead.
Patty, I swear to god, that
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Heroin Monkey

The image shows two people, one fat and one skinny. A faucet is pouring water into the fat person's mouth, labeled "mental health support," while a few drops are going toward the skinny person. The fat person is labeled "Woman feeling a bit down today" and the skinny person is labeled "Man who wants to kill himself".

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