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Heroin Monkey

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Heroin Monkey

It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.

Anonymous

A man is looking to the right in a close up shot. Text above reads: "When you getting tortured by the Cartel but the leader thick ahh Colombian daughter walks in so I gotta withstand the pain so she doesn't get the ick."

rapboat

The image is a two-panel comic showing examples of appropriate and inappropriate workplace behavior. In the top panel, a man is labeled "APPROPRIATE" and says, "She got a big booty so I call her Big Booty (Booty)." A woman at her desk responds, "AWWW, YOU'RE SWEET." In the bottom panel, a man is labeled "INAPPROPRIATE" and says, "Grippy, huh. Grippy, I call her that 'cause it's grippy." The same woman is now on the phone, saying, "HELLO, HUMAN RESOURCES?!" The faces of the men are replaced with pictures of the rappers Gunna and J. Cole respectively.

not_pimi_gal2009

{ before Queen Elizabeth ii died :/ she was cracked at fortnite }

The image shows a split-screen with three panels. The left panel shows a portrait of Queen Elizabeth II with a blue hat. The center panel shows a version of Queen Elizabeth II holding a gun and appearing to be in the game Fortnite with a bright sun and green hills. The right panel shows a weapon from the video game Fortnite.

not_pimi_gal2009

when Queen Elizabeth does her evil face when she hates someone : be like :'/

The image shows a two-panel comparison. On the left, Queen Elizabeth has a visible frown. On the right, a picture of Kate Middleton with a neutral expression. There is no text on the image.

Wade

Don’t think, just do, live in the now, don’t care about the future, yeeeeee

The image shows a cartoon character with a shocked expression sitting in a blue chair with his finger pointed. The text above the character reads: "When she asks if you brought protection:". Below the cartoon, the text states: "How dare you make me consider the long term!"

Heroin Monkey

DAD IS FUCKING DEAD. HE SHOT HIMSELF.
Rodrick and I heard a bang come from the basement, and
the first thing we see is DAD ON THE FLOOR WITH
A BULLET IN HIS FUCKING HEAD. When Mom
turned around, I tell she looked batshit crazy. She
was
you
holding a glock and looked like a fucking animal.
I'M GONNA
BREAK YOUR
FUCKING
LEGS GREG
WHAT THE
HELL?!
She then threatened us for answers for who told Dad,
and when I thought things couldn't get any i
BUBBY
DID IT!
worse...
HE had to fuck shit up.
10

Hgfdfrgt

When she sends feet

A still from the cartoon "The Amazing World of Gumball" with Richard Watterson at his computer, sporting a headset, as if in a gaming session. The text "ACARI" is above the screen. There are various plush toy-like figures in the background.

BellaTrix

I’m amazing!!!

A meme in the form of a comic strip showing different scenes from the movie Harry Potter, with Bellatrix speaking with a person in an interview and about how Sirius has matured. At the bottom is a line that says "trummy.co".

Cahyani Ambara

My friend when she gets confused :

A simple, hand-drawn image of a character with a brown mushroom-like haircut, a short line for a mouth, a bright pink dress, and orange pants. The face shows confusion.

⭐️🌙✨SUNNA AHMAD✨🌙⭐️

Me always be like on a weekend :

The image shows two different images of Spongebob. The image to the left shows Spongebob wearing glasses and reading a book. The right image shows Spongebob in a weird form, with two antenna-like things on top of his head and with a sassy attitude. The text on top reads: 'What Lightbulb THINKS she acts like: What she actually acts like:'

Heroin Monkey

A man, Jeffrey Epstein, smiles at the viewer. In the background are two women. The text overlay says: "I asked Hillary to be my valentines, but she left me hanging."

Heroin Monkey

A Twitter post with the text "I squeeze my girl when she on her period cause she my Lil ketchup packet" above an image of two men. The bottom image has the text "My FBI agents" over it.

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of a Google search result for "Mummy Pig" showing a cartoon pig, followed by text that details the pig's life as having 67 divorces, being in love with Lester from GTA 5, hacking Fortnite, and killing 417 people including Stephen Hawking.

Anonymous

What y'all think of my drawing?? And don't mind May....she was calling me gay

A drawing of three faces with text "how to draw a man's face" at the top. Two faces are drawn in black ink, one with slightly open eyes and mouth, the other one with closed lips. The third face is drawn in red ink and has a furrowed brow.

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a picture of Jeffrey Epstein with the text 'I asked Hillary to be my Valentine' at the top and 'She left me hanging' at the bottom.

Heroin Monkey

A newspaper clipping with the headline "Nude Brit covered in poo fell from hotel balcony into café", followed by a news article describing a naked British tourist who fell through a café ceiling from his hotel balcony in Thailand.

Face mc shooty

knew she had feelings for me lesgoooooooooooo

A cartoon character with red hair and big pink cheeks is behind bars. The image reads: "When she says she hates me, but hate is a feeling so she technically has feelings for me."

Heroin Monkey

The image is a screenshot of a 4chan post with green text on a black background. It depicts a dystopian scenario in a future where Hillary Clinton has become a supreme ruler and implemented a series of drastic measures.

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