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Kristian‽

CAHNGE UR PFP TO THIS

A close-up of a person's face, featuring glasses and a neutral expression.

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a person with a hand-drawn, simple face over a photo of a woman on a red carpet. The text above reads: "Hello fellow humans, I am celebrity No. 2932, I believe in everything that is safe and popular with people aged 18-35. You may now praise me on the social media platform of your choice, remember to purchase my newly manufactured album."

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a comparison between modern and ancient Sith. The modern Sith are depicted as whiny and emotional, lamenting about being stuck in a machine and having their superweapon destroyed. The ancient Sith are portrayed as stoic and embracing pain, declaring "TO PAIN IS TO LIVE, AND BOY, AM I LIVING!"

Heroin Monkey

The image shows the development of a person through four stages of life. In the first picture, the figure is an old man with a hat standing next to a door, the second picture is a man sitting on a chair with a question mark, and the third picture is a man kneeling with a stressed expression, the last picture is a boy drawing on an easel. The text "It starts with" is at the top. The text "one thing" is near the beginning. The text "I don't know why" is above the next picture. The text "It doesn't even matter how hard you try" is above the last picture.

Heroin Monkey

A cartoon of King Julien in a wheelchair with the text: "Mauricio I can't. I can't move it move it anymore."

Heroin Monkey

A picture of Elon Musk in a hospital bed is shown. Above the image reads "Roses are red I'm not a boaster" and beneath the image reads "Elon Musk Rushed To Hospital After Attempting To Impregnate Toaster".

Heroin Monkey

Heroin Monkey

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a parody of the movie poster for "Jaws" with the title "JAWAS". Instead of a shark, there are several Jawas swimming in formation under a swimmer.

Heroin Monkey

The first part shows a tweet from the National Park Service stating: "You know it's cold outside when you go outside and it's cold." Below that is a reply from heychrisjones stating "Who is running this account?" The second part shows a reply from the National Park Service that contains an image. The image shows a marmot wearing a headset and sitting at a computer in an office setting.

Heroin Monkey

A box of Oops! All CBD cereal sits next to a sleeping child. The cereal box has an image of a cartoon captain and says "Oops! All CBD". Text below says, "Now with twice the CBD!"

Heroin Monkey

A Valentine's Day card featuring a picture of Rick Astley with the text: "i'll keep u rolling all night long. to: from:".

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a 'No Fishing' sign on a wooden post with a person's hands holding a phone in front of it, displaying a fishing scene from the video game Minecraft. The sign reads 'NO FISHING' in large bold letters followed by 'PRIVATE PROPERTY' in smaller print.

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of a Daily Mail article. The headline reads: "Young man forced to post a photo of his passport on Facebook to prove his real name is 'Phuc Dat Bich'... after his account is banned THREE times". There is a smaller picture of the young man, and a passport image with the name "Phuc Dat Bich", and the dates 03 JAN 1992, 17 SEP 2013, and 17 SEP 2023. The passport is from Australia.

Heroin Monkey

A picture of a small kitten, illuminated by a bright light with text on top that reads "Fully charged".

Heroin Monkey

The image shows two headshots side by side. On the left, a young man named Dream looks at the camera with a slight smile. On the right, a cartoon character with orange hair and a sly smile, Rumpelstiltskin from Shrek, is displayed. The character's source is "ifunny.co".

Heroin Monkey

A cartoon image of Spongebob's front door with two green balls stuck in the crack. The text says "Spongebob open the door. My balls are stuck."

Heroin Monkey

Heroin Monkey

A black, furry werewolf with glowing eyes stands on the stairs in a dark environment, looking directly at the viewer.

Heroin Monkey

A photo shows two figures of Spongebob and Patrick that are realistic and somewhat unsettling. Patrick is pink and muscular with a serious expression, wearing green shorts. Spongebob is yellow, with human-like facial features including a wide smile, and a red tie and blue and white striped socks.

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