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1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Satan

A woman with dark makeup and tattoos is sitting on a bed. She wears a black tank top with the words "Satan loves me" printed on it. Below the picture is a tweet that says, "Stay the fuck away from me."

Divorce

A screenshot of a Google search result for "Mummy Pig" showing a cartoon pig, followed by text that details the pig's life as having 67 divorces, being in love with Lester from GTA 5, hacking Fortnite, and killing 417 people including Stephen Hawking.

Logic

iNKSTECHSHUB JOKE Women Logic lol Feminism cringe meme dark humour sarcastic iNKSTECHSHUB meme jokes cliché parody dry humour noHate #everyoneシ゚ #love #ts #izzyWilde #jokesfordays #sharethelove

The image shows two pictures with the text "Women vs. Logic". The first picture shows a woman in a pink bikini with the text "Bikini. No Probs ;)" below it. The second picture shows a woman wrapped in a towel in a shower with the text "Shower. Go Away ;(" below it.

Booty

A drawing of a skeleton hugging someone's bare buttocks with the text "When you're dead inside but you still love the booty."

Warning

The image shows a warning sign with the word WARNING on top and an illustration of a person seemingly exploding in a cloud of smaller fragments.

Ring

my gf engadgement ring i bought

A hand holds a red ring box open. Inside the box is an engagement ring with a blue center stone. The text "I AM LOVED." is printed on the inside top of the box.

Century

I love this comic run so much

The comic shows Spider-Man and Deadpool looking at each other with confusion. In the second panel, a fiery horse carriage drives by. In the last panel, they discuss the 19th-century Ghost Rider and his potential involvement in the wrong Civil War. The text in the speech bubbles says: NEIGH! Did you just see that? 19th Century Ghost Rider? Yup. Oh man, do you think he's showing up to fight in the wrong civil war? Let's hope he fights for the North, otherwise he's not gonna like taking orders from a black Captain America.

Valentine

what do you see in this picture look carefully im joking just look at the picture happy valentines

Two kittens are hugging each other. They are white with black markings. One has a black heart on its side. The text “Happy Valentines” is written at the bottom.

Bf

THIS IS MY BF

A blurry photo shows a person, with curly dark hair, holding a smartphone and taking a selfie. The text says: "THIS IS MY BF"

Floor

Glad to make the floors wet

A yellow sign that reads: "CAUTION WET FLOORS. Like, everywhere. Sincerely and with love, The Brass Section" with a music note at the left bottom.

Wolf

A cartoon image shows a wolf with a slightly crazed expression putting his arm around a sheep. A speech bubble next to the wolf reads "If you feel sad I can eat you".

Tree

A four-panel comic strip. Panel 1 shows a stick figure with a Trollface smiling next to a stylized tree with a white trunk covered in eyes. Text below the figure: "what a nice tree". Panel 2 shows the same figure and tree. Text below the figure: "I love trees". Panel 3 is a black and white/blue photo close-up of a real tree trunk with numerous eye-like markings (lenticels). Panel 4 shows only the stylized tree with eyes, and a pool of blood is visible on the ground below its trunk.

Cthulhu

A two-panel meme featuring the Doge and Cheems characters. The top panel shows Doge wearing a captain's hat, saying, 'Oh boy I sure do love being a captain of this boat in the middle of Pacific.' The bottom panel features a green, tentacled Cheems character (a parody of Cthulhu) rising out of a stormy sea under a full moon, with the text 'Chtumlu'.

Language

Against the backdrop of a large cathedral, text states, "Spanish is a beautiful language. You don't say 'I love you' in Spanish, you say 'yo quiero comer culo' which translates to 'you are the light of my life.' That's so beautiful."

Relationship

The image displays the text "WTF SEX FACTS#" in bold red letters, followed by the statement "Sex and trust are two of the most important parts of a successful relationship." The background is plain black.

Work

A child's drawing pinned to a cork board. The drawing shows five stick figures with happy faces and another figure with a big smile holding a hamburger. There's a drink with a straw on the table and a text bubble with the words "I LOVE Five Guys!".

Dog

The image shows a golden retriever. The first image is a full body picture. The second image is a close-up view of the dog's eyes and snout. The text reads: "This boi can smell people who are beautiful and deserve love."

Dildo

Graph

mmm I love desmos

A screenshot of the Desmos graphing calculator interface, showing a 3D graph of a cube made up of several sine and cosine equations. There is a list of the equations on the left and on the right the letters 'z' and 'y' are visible

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