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Heroin Monkey

Heroin Monkey

FEBRUARY
Saturday
Right, I know it's been a while since I wrote in this,
but a whole lot has happened so let me fill you in on
everything.
Manny Heffley is the personification of human sin. Do
you wanna know the reason he tried to get me killed?
DATS FOWR NAWT
TEACHING ME HOW
TWO TIE MY SHOES,
YOU FUCKING PLOOPY.
I'M ONWEE
THWEE, BUBBY!
HEWP ME TIE MY
GAWDDAYUM
SHOES.
So I punted that little shit into the wall..
I should have paid more attention to Miom though, because
she actually stuck by her word for once. She managed to
shoot me in both legs and break i
my.
fucking kneecaps.
11

Heroin Monkey

DAD IS FUCKING DEAD. HE SHOT HIMSELF.
Rodrick and I heard a bang come from the basement, and
the first thing we see is DAD ON THE FLOOR WITH
A BULLET IN HIS FUCKING HEAD. When Mom
turned around, I tell she looked batshit crazy. She
was
you
holding a glock and looked like a fucking animal.
I'M GONNA
BREAK YOUR
FUCKING
LEGS GREG
WHAT THE
HELL?!
She then threatened us for answers for who told Dad,
and when I thought things couldn't get any i
BUBBY
DID IT!
worse...
HE had to fuck shit up.
10

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a page from a diary with hand-written text and a small drawing of a person on a couch looking dejected.

Heroin Monkey

It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.

Heroin Monkey

MOM WHAT
THE FUCK!?
HOLY SHIT,
IT'S GREG!
MOM was GIVING HER WHOLE HEAD to Mr.
Winsky, and Vice Principal Roy is FUCKING DEAD!
As soon as I walked in these fuckers immediately acted
like they weren't just fucking crawling over each other.
That filthy homewrecker Mr. Winsky sent Mom and told
her to take me home. Fucking delinquents.
I have to tell Dad that Mom is a whore somehow. This
bitch needs to be sent to the streets.
3

Heroin Monkey

A black and white cartoon drawing depicting a text written in a diary, describing how Patty got a secret out, and then the person was sent to the vice principal's office. Then, the person heard a bouncing noise, laughter, and giggling, followed by two voices sounding like they were having sex in school. A drawing of a person standing in front of lockers is below the text. Another line of text says, "I opened the door, and oh boy, you'll be surprised about who I saw." A number "2" is at the bottom of the page.

Heroin Monkey

Monday
DECEMBER
Today was fucking dreadful.
Me and the boys were just watching porn on the
school computers in computer science. Nothing harmful.
You know how it goes, though. There's always s
bitch across the room, just waiting, dying to ruin the
fun.
Some
WHAT
GREG IS WATCHING
PORNOGRAPHY, MR
JIZZLE!
"PANT
PANT
THE
ZFUCK?!
The next time I see
snitch is fucking dead.
Patty, I swear to god, that
1

MEME LORD

He threw a piece of bread at me so I flipped his
lil dumbass over. Fuck them kids

MEME LORD

The image shows a text box above an image. The text says, "I fucked my hamster to death. Am I a psychopath? Basically I was fucking my hamster, like I usually do. But then I forgot to pull out. The hamster had cum leaking from its eyes and mouth. Then it exploded. I felt no remorse. Am I a psychopath?" Below is an image of a cartoon bear with an angry expression.

Heroin Monkey

sorry pancreatic
cancer but i
dont think you
qualify as an emotion
this is bullshit
you let spongebob in
sponging out is an
important step in a
persons life how about
you read a fucking book

CrackedRuby_alt

💀

Patrick Star from SpongeBob SquarePants with a big water cooler on his head is the reaction image for the phrase "how I look at bro in the urinal when he says 'when there's rain there's thunder!' and fucking shits himself."

A Star Wars Fan

The meme shows a Nokia phone displaying a message from Tom Riddle, saying "Hello. My name is Tom Riddle. I see you have found my Nokia. Good luck destroying this horcrux." Below this is a picture of Harry Potter with the text "Fuck!"

Nintendo Fan

The image shows a split comparison. In the top half, a cruise ship is moving through calm water, and the text says, "Doing tutorial." In the bottom half, a person is struggling to stand on a paddleboard in the middle of the ocean, holding an umbrella for balance. The text above reads, "Whatever the fuck I'm trying to do on my own."

RapBoat Bonus

r/future
2h
Join
Homie said Future new tape is mid - ended up
fucking his bitch
Discussion
Literally told him not to talk on my goat like that shit
was 8/10 MINIMUM. Asked his girl to meet up, told her
let's get some Mac Donald's, then she gave me head
ion even feel bad Lmaooo
↑ 88
○ 26
☑☑

Heroin Monkey

A collage of screenshots of Scotty Kilmer's YouTube videos. Each video has a different theme: using fuel additives when one can't afford beer, being drunk, and keeping secrets. The word "Secret" is overlaid twice on two different videos. The word "Drunk" is overlaid on one video.

MEME LORD

16:50
Burning the lgbt flag cause i fucking hate
faggots
Preston 703K views 12 hours ago

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a side-by-side comparison of the same person with speech bubble saying "Fuck off subhuman". Below the images are the flags of Greece and Turkey respectively.

brokemaster

Hi i thought this was funny i guess haha 💔⛓️

Hang in there, it
gets better!
Fuck you!

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a meme with a person looking down with text overlayed on the picture. The text says: "UBISOFT be like, yeah, this game fucking sucks. Release it."

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