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Blush

Anonymous · 2 years ago

<33

The text says: "Javi: *I accept the fact that you sleep on me and sit down, allowing you to rest in my lap. I have a faint blush on my face.*" The text is on a black background.

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Funeral

GG Miller · 2 years ago

DANG, like for a Cookie

A young boy with blond hair is wearing a green sweater and a teddy bear pinned to the front. The text on the image says: "Old people at weddings always poke me and say 'You're next.' So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

Body

Toast ツ · 2 years ago

A cartoon fish character looks shocked while standing next to a dumpster. The text reads: Oh. That's a body without organs. THERE IS A HUMAN CARCASS STRIPPED OF ITS BODILY ORGANS IN A DUMPSTER BEHIND BEST PIZZA, MANHATTAN NYC NY AT 40.713050, -74.007230.

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Tax dollar

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A black and white photo of Jimmy Carter with a quote attributed to him: "If you don't want your tax dollars to help the poor, then stop saying you want a country based on Christian values, because you don't."

Cyberpunk

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A screenshot of two tweets. The first tweet talks about "Cp", an abbreviation for child p***ography. The second tweet shows Walter White in a car yelling, "HANK, DON'T ABBREVIATE CYBERPUNK!"

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Mate

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A screenshot of a text conversation. The first person asks about a Miata for sale. After some questions, the first person asks "What's your lowest point?" and the second person responds with a tragic personal anecdote about his wife leaving him, misunderstanding that the first person was asking for the "lowest price."

Pit

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A picture of a green pit in a yard. The text states that the person dumped a bunch of stuff in the pit.

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Emotion

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A three-panel meme featuring characters from the movie Inside Out. In the first panel, Joy (a bright yellow emotion character) speaks to a small, strange creature with wide eyes, saying, "sorry pancreatic cancer but i dont think you qualify as an emotion." In the second panel, the creature replies, "this is bullshit you let spongebob in." In the third panel, SpongeBob SquarePants appears in the foreground, saying, "sponging out is an important step in a persons life how about you read a fucking book."

Family

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A black and white image styled as a page from a 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' book. The text describes a dark scenario: 'DAD IS FUCKING DEAD. HE SHOT HIMSELF. Rodrick and I heard a bang come from the basement, and the first thing we see is DAD ON THE FLOOR WITH A BULLET IN HIS FUCKING HEAD. When Mom turned around, I tell you she looked batshit crazy. She was holding a glock and looked like a fucking animal.' The accompanying illustration shows a character (Mom or Rodrick) pointing a gun at another character (Greg) while Dad lies on the floor. A speech bubble says 'I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR FUCKING LEGS GREG.' Another character (Bubby) points and yells 'BUBBY DID IT!' The narrator concludes: 'HE had to fuck shit up.' The page number 10 is at the bottom.

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Cigarette

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a cartoon landscape with many reddish, tree-like plants. On top of the image are the words "Man if only I had a place to put out my cigarette." followed by "My daughter's forehead:"

School

Anonymous · 1 year ago

Me showing up to school thinking I had a glow up

A white rabbit is wearing purple sunglasses and a sparkling crown. The rabbit is standing indoors on a carpet with a blurred background.

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Gender Stereotype

Sooploosh MacSchnibble · 1 year ago

The image features a split screen. The top half shows a close-up of two animated alien characters, Stitch (blue) and Angel (pink) from the Disney movie Lilo & Stitch, kissing. The bottom half contains a text-based meme formatted as a conversation between a 'guy at disney' and a 'disney ceo'. The conversation sarcastically explains the stereotypical design choices made for Angel to signify her as female, specifically mentioning long antennae, mascara, a protruding chest, and the color pink.

Bird

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image is a chart titled "HOW TO IDENTIFY A BIRD", with different birds shown in the image, with the word "Fed" written below each of them.

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Perry the Platypus

big [fire] balls · 1 year ago

A three panel image showing the same character with different reactions to an intruder. The first panel says 'Someone enters your lair' with a 'Panik' reaction. The second panel says 'It's just a platypus' with a 'Kalm' reaction. The third panel says 'It's Perry the Platypus' with a 'Panik' reaction.

Candy

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖚𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖔𝖋 𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑 · 2 years ago

ON BABY

A Toy Story scene showing Woody looking concerned with Buzz Lightyear next to him making a suspicious offer. Text overlay: "When Ryan asks a young child if they want some candy."

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Trailer

Wade · 2 years ago

Matpat in a nutshell

Camera

Wade · 2 years ago

The hero we needed but didn’t deserve

A picture shows the character Spiderman lying on the floor while other people watch him. On the left, a blue character from the game Among Us is placed on the image. The text on the image says: "When you stand and die in front of camera to bait the impostor so security will know. Carefully, he's a crewmate."

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OnlyFans

Anonymous · 2 years ago

Sus???

A message thread between two users. The first user says, "I was literally about to say don't ask where I got the money from". The second user replies, "Guys Wade has a OnlyFans thats why he's rich. I swear to f***ing God."

Definition

Anonymous · 3 years ago

Found a good definition of the jokes here while listening to Without Me by Eminem

A dictionary definition of the word "obscene" is shown. The text of the definition reads "obscene | adjective (of the portrayal or description of sexual matters) offensive or disgusting by accepted standards of morality and decency: obscene jokes | obscene literature. - offensive to moral principles; repugnant: using animals' skins for fur coats is obscene. ORIGIN late 16th century: from French obscène or Latin obscaenus 'ill-omened or abominable'."

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Traffic Stop

GG Miller · 3 years ago

His ass going to jail

The image shows a blue car with three minions inside. Text overlay says: "A cop pulled me over and said, 'Papers.' I said, 'Scissors, I win and drove off!!'"

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