Material Possession jokes

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.