i saw a depressed kid and i gave him a lamp to lighten up his day
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common? One of these days, we’re both are gonna be hanging from the ceiling
Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love Man: I wish not to die a virgin Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality
31. During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento" When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
32. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance. "See that over there? What is that?", says the first crow. The second crows takes a long look, "That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it." "How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person?", replies the first crow. "Look at it's hand. No cellphone", says the second crow.
33. Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. “I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish. “I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends him back home. “I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here."
34. A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”
35. After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. Then, the girl took two cookies and lied about it. When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges.
36. I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder."
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid hoping it would brighten up his day
I got in trouble today bc I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said lighten up
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? i tried to lighten up his day.
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it a genie came out and said "You have 10 seconds to have one wish". Little Johny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink she says, "We should have this every night!". Little Johny gets two cups every night one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives on himself and his sister asks, "Wheres my cup?". little Johny replied, "Your drinking out of the bottle tonight".
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman
You can un screw a lightbulb
kid: finds gini lamp wishes to be batman gini: your now a orphan
I just bought a book about lamps.....
So I can do some light reading over the weekend
How do you get a light bulb horny? you turn it on!!
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw it away
