Offensive and Dark One-Liners

Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies. Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive. Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out. Wanna hear something that’s the worst? He comes back for seconds.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Hit your wife harder.

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? The trampoline doesn't cave in when I jump on it.

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies? I don’t put fruit in a blender.

What’s the darkest point in the universe? The inside of a KFC.

What is the most difficult day in the ghetto? Father’s day.

How do Asians name their kids? They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)

What do you call a white man in court?? SUPERIOR!!!

A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks “did you get her number?”. He replies “no, but it’s okay, I’ll see her at the next family reunion”.

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but couldn't stand up.

JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.

How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Covid 19 stopped mass shootings faster than the Government.

Want to know why parents don’t get school shooting jokes? Because they are aimed at a younger audience.

A man asks a woman: Are you a school? Woman: No why? Man: Oh I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you.

I lost at Kahoot so I had to ka-shoot. When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom but then the autistic kid next you sketchers light up.

Don’t worry if you have a stroke. You’ll be alright.

What’s the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement? Baby Jesus died a virgin. What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree? That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.

So I texted my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: not again brother I’m only 8.

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.

Roses are red, walls are made of plaster, schoolchildren can move fast but bullets can move faster.

What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo? Cutting-edge Technology.

I’m starting to wish my grass was emo. Why? So it would cut itself.

Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over.

How do you win an argument against an emo? Kick the chair.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job? Show them the ropes.

If an emo doesn’t get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won’t be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.

What’s an emo’s favorite Pink Floyd album? The Final Cut.

Why do emos like yo-yo’s? Cos they get strangled by the string.

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut so I said, “I like ya cut g.” And I slapped him. I don’t know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

What’s the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

How do emo’s compliment each other? They say "I like your cuts g".

Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park? He kept cutting in line.

What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream? America’s funniest home videos.

What game do emo kids love the most... hangman.

When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays pumped up kicks.

A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler but missed. Then Adolf replied, “Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!”

Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.

Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. “They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes.”

Kid starts shooting people in school, and the teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin. What do you call a Mexican who lost his car? Carlos.

They named road after George Floyd it was a dead end though.

Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.

What do you call a blind racist? A not see.

So we were working with a new client at work and my boss farts, he said "a little gas never killed anyone".

Q. What’s long, hard, and scary when you first see it? A. Calculus homework.

Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow? A. Toothpaste.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle? Optimistic.

I saw a man trying to rape a girl, I decided to help, she didn’t stand a chance against both of us.

I called the rape advice line last night, turns out its just for victims.

Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term struggle snuggle.

You know what the worst thing about gang rape is? Having to wait your turn.