January jokes

A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."

I saw a helicopter on January 26, 2020. Then Kobe was on the news.

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.

It's my New Year's resolution.

A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"

Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?

A: What.

What do you call Jan[uary] 6th?

White people smearing shit on the walls of the capitol!

Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?

They're cool and chill.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.

Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."

Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."

Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."

Can February march? -- No, but April may.

What is Hitler's least favorite month?

Jewly.

That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...