Howe jokes
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they can't change anything.
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
"m m, ,m ,mbjbjb" is how she spelled.
So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
How to stop bullying?
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.