Howe jokes
Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.
25 at a time.
Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
How does the sea say hello?
It WAVES you.
SEA what I did there?
I'm SHORE you saw it.
Don't be SALTY!
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
How can you tell if your sister is on her period?
Your father's dick tastes funny.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
How do you close a cabinet?
You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?