How do you get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I like my women how i like my cigars. 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
Friend: you know how I like my women like my coffee.... Hot Me: what If you don't like coffee:(
I like my women how i like my coffee......... HOT
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Q: How did Stephen Hawking die? A: He lost internet connection
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
how do u make a tissue dance put a lil boogie in it ;)
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest from a zit, one waits until your twelve to come on your face.
