Household Chores jokes

How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.

What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?

Kick her.

Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

wo(man) fe(male) we(men)

dishwash(her)

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.

She responded with a list:

- Take out the trash.

- Clean your room.

- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.

That’s all sweetie!

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.