Hitch jokes

What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?

Hop in.

So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"

And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."

Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"

And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."

And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"

The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.

I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to "Hang in there."

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?

Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.

He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.