HI jokes

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Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"

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    • A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".

    My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

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    • A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

    Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"

    Genie: "Wish granted!"

    When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

    The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.

    Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.

    Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide

    So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

    How did the skeleton know it was about to rain?

    "Because he felt it in his bones?"

    No,

    He read the weather app, you idiot.

    A pirate walked into a bar with his ship's steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, "Hey! What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate says, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"

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    • The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.

    You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.

    A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

    "Interesting."

    "That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

    A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.

    A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"

    How did Stephen Hawking really die?

    His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!

    A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

    Blind guy says, "Just looking around."

    My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.