HI jokes
Bro, my friend told me all his humor is dead and dry, and I was like, "Just like 9/11 victims."
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What is the orphan's favorite toy from his parents?
They don’t have parents to pay for a toy.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.
A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.
The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage?
He should just go to his mom and dad!
How do you make an orphan shut up?
You tell his mom.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his parents.
Oasis, am I right?
When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.
When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.
What is money called in space?
Star bucks.
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”