HI jokes

"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."

how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?

kick his sister in the jaw

A bee said to his naughty son, "Honey, stop bee-ing abnormal and bee positive!"

A basketball player walks into a strip club:

"Hi, I heard I could bounce some balls here?"

There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."

The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?

"You have a great singer inside you."

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

Why did the orphan have to eat his cereal with water?

Because his dad never came back with the milk.

Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

A guy starts texting a cute girl and asks her to give him her phone number so he can call her. The girl says, "OK, but you have to transfer mobile balance to my number. Then I am gonna be your girlfriend and will meet you somewhere." He transfers her the balance and calls her, but it turns out the girl was actually a guy making him a fool. He blocked him.

The next day, he was very angry about himself being a fool, so he thought he'd do the same. He makes a fake girl account and starts texting with some random guy, and then he asks that guy to send him balance. Suddenly, his father came into his bedroom and asked, "Son, can you send me some balance? I am gonna send you cash after sometime." That guy looks at his father with suspicious eyes, and then he calls that random number. Suddenly his father's phone starts ringing......

What’s the bravest thing a man can do?

Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

What's a dumbfuck's favorite condiment to put on his burger?

Re-tarter sauce.

Why did the dog cross the road?

To get to his owner.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought you were his brother.

Girl: Hi (flirt)

Boy: Hi? (reluctant)

Girl: I'm a cheerleader captain, I'm also single (flirt).

Boy 2: Excuse me?! He's MY MAN...