So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
Yo mama so fat, when she plays Undertale, Omega Flowey's mouth isn't big enough to eat her!
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with...
CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
i asked a chinese girl for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex! free sex tonight" i said, "wow!" then her friend said, "she means 666-3629
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
when sara gets naked in the shower she turns her taps on :)
Why did Sally fail her final exam?
Because she had nothing written down.
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
Yo mama's so dumb, her dad said, "You're driving me crazy," and she said, "I didn't know crazy was a place!"
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
