Back
Head

Head jokes

Q) What shampoo and conditioner did Stephen use?

A) Head and Shoulders.

Q) What’s Stephen’s favorite food?

A) Shoulders.

For real tho RIP Stephen Hawking 💕

Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.

-JFK

  • 8

    • Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

    What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.

    Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."

    Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."

    A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.

    The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.

    A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

    The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

    The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

    The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

    The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

    The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

    The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

    Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

  • 3

    • There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."

    What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

    I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!

    Joke 1) 9/11 was such a tragedy... Two drunk people drove a plane into a building.

    Joke 2) If 6-2=4, why are there no more towers?

    Joke 3) Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.

    I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

    He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

    I asked, "Where are you going?"

    He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

    I asked, "What do they do there?"

    He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

    I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

    He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

    A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.

    After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.

    After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

  • 0