Harding

Harding jokes

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There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

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    • You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.

    Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.

    "Don't sneeze!"

    Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

    Also,

    "It dangles and swung!"

    Language art quizzes are the best.

    Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

    The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

  • 1

    • I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!

    Student: What's the best thing in the world?

    Teacher: I don't know what.

    Student: Hard rock cock.

    Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

    Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

  • 1

    • Friend: Why did you touch me?

    Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

    Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...

    It's too hard.

    My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

    I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was, "Act like you're hard, but your dad beat you harder."

    There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

    God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.

    Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?

    Please take this down, it's not funny at all!

    It's a joke, not a dick, so don't take it so hard!

    How did Stephen Hawking die?

    He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.