Hallucination jokes

What's the difference between a Christian and a schizophrenic?

Nothing.

I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"

A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.

What did the orphan say to his parents?

I'm tripping balls right now!

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

Caution: Looking at your hairline can cause you to be delirious and have hallucinations.

POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

Symptoms of Schizophrenia

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

Why did the stoner cross the road?

He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!

Doesn't having depersonalization mean that you're like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?

(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)

Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?

A kid with hallucinations and cancer is on a Jeopardy game show.

"What's behind curtain #1... YOU HAVE WON..... CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"