HA jokes
Why do orphans want an iPhone S? Because it has a home screen.
Africa has every gun except for what?
A water gun.
Yo mama so "PHAT," she has big boobs and nice legs!
What's the difference between a magician and a chorus line?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts!
What starts with "P" and ends with "E" and has a million letters?
Post Office.
Memes
What has four legs and an arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
What did the cookie say when he jumped off the cliff? Crumbs, ha ha!
Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.
This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he.
What has legs but can't walk?
A veteran.
Ur mom so stupid that she thought that Seventeen has four ghost members.
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?
A. The Jello has a higher IQ.
Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.
Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*
Dad: Babe, we need to talk.
Mom: Okay......
Dad: He's grounded.
Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.
Son: Am I getting a new daddy?
Mom: Soon honey, soon....
Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.
Timmy has 5 apples.
His train is 7 minutes early.
Calculate the mass of the sun.
Jeffery Dahmer has two things: an RV and a pit.
What is different about the two is that one can't move and one has gas.
But what is similar is tha-
Wait, what is Jeffery doing? He has a knife, he is pulling men's pants down, he is...OH SHIT WHAT THE F-!
Sorry 'bout that......
Now, as I was saying,
What is similar about the two is that one has and is a cockpit.
Wait, a cockpit- JEFFERY WHAT THE F-!