HA jokes
Friend 1: I HATE YOU!
Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!
Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*
Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.
All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
Why did Sarah call off the swing? Because she has no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
Poopy pants! Ha! Got 'em! Use Code Fred_5001 in the Fortnite item shop.
What has 5 legs, 3 arms, and 7 feet?
The finish line at the marathon bombing.
What has a head, a tail, but no body?
Why does an orphan hate playing baseball?
Because it has no home base.
Women have so much evil in their blood that God has to drain it once a month. Hehehehehe
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
Africa has every gun except for what?
A water gun.
She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.
You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it has many problems.
Why do orphans want an iPhone S? Because it has a home screen.