The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
Your mom has a bone to pick with me.
What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.
What's small, stupid, and has no dad?
Ben.
What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A violin has "strings" and a fiddle has "strangs."
What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?
A skele-TON!
Maybe Leo actually isn’t stupid... maybe she just has bad luck with thinking!
"BlessedBrian must be a bank loan... because he has NO INTEREST."
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he.
She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.
Why does an orphan hate playing baseball?
Because it has no home base.
What has four legs and an arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
What has legs but can't walk?
A veteran.
Why do orphans want an iPhone S? Because it has a home screen.
What starts with "P" and ends with "E" and has a million letters?
Post Office.
What has a head, a tail, but no body?
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it has many problems.
Africa has every gun except for what?
A water gun.
Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.
Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*
Dad: Babe, we need to talk.
Mom: Okay......
Dad: He's grounded.
Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.
Son: Am I getting a new daddy?
Mom: Soon honey, soon....
Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.
