HA jokes
What has 4 wheels and can fly? A garbage truck.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?
A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.
What has 2 wheels and screams? A disabled [person] I dropkicked down the stairs.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
Have you ever seen Helen Keller's dog?
Neither has she.
Brother: Your nuts!
Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!
You're so fat your ass has 2 zip codes.
Why is 1 equal to 22?
4 is too busy and one has the 21s to 4!
Random words in my keyboard:
The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.
My dad is unlucky.
Yo mama's ass is so fat it has its own congressman.
If I busted an egg on your head.... the yolk would be on you... ha ha ha!!!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I did not say banana? Ha ha!
New Orleans cuisine has always been my favorite; however, I only eat gumbo on oc-cajun.
What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...
What is the difference between the snow boots on a tree house that has to walk home and walk home?
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
What do you call a fish that has a dick?
Moby Dickkkkk!
Your mom laughs at your father, because he has an ugly wife.