HA jokes

Q: What does a cat have that no other animal has?

A: Kittens.

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

What do you call a cow that has been shot?

Holy cow!

What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.

Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...

I have more STDs than Hicks has friends at the moment. I only have one.

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

What has a dog?

People.

I would tell you the pun about the broken pencil, but it has no point to it.

What do you say when your brother has too many jeans?

"Gene-ious!"

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

Why can’t U.S.A or England play chess?

Because the U.S.A has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.

Yo mama so fat, her cereal bowl has a lifeguard.

What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

What has nut, long, big, and sticky? A Snickers bar.

Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?

Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.

Laugh now.

My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."