Why can’t USA and England play chess?
The USA has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.
HA Jokes
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity?
A Mexican.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's nonexistent hairline, even though Josh has massive ears and his face looks like a monkey's... if they were white.
What’s the difference between Kendrick Lamar and an orphan?
He has family ties.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and a book?
A book has papers.
Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
My dad has a pretty shitty job.
Bro has to get a fringe to cover up the big, increasing hairline.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
What do you call a fudge packer who has special needs?
A gay black male that has Down Syndrome.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning?
It has better reactions than the Twin Towers.
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
Yo mama so fat, her cereal bowl has a lifeguard.
