HA jokes
Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair.
It has feathers. LOL.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.
What is God's favorite planet?
Saturn because it has a ring around it.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!
Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!
Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*
Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!
Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.
Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.
Did you know that Helen Keller has a swing in her backyard?
Neither did she.
How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?
There are speedos in the microwave.
What do you call a cow that has been shot?
Holy cow!
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"
My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
Yo mama so fat, she's the reason why Slenderman has no eyes.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
Craig Duncan is a child soldier with bad breath and has killed 5 people (on Fortnite).