HA jokes
Sans: Zzzzzzzz.
Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it, dude?
Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
Ha, gay!
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
Literally no one: Why can't you hear the pterodactyl?
Random person: I don't know.
No one: BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT!
Random person: Ha, cool, I guess.
What do you call a cow that has stuff growing on it?
Mosscow
Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division?
Because it has at least one hundred degrees.
You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.
It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.
Do you want to know why I hired a protractor to tutor my nephew in IIROC? Because he has degrees. 180 of them. So he's smar[t].
Which country of the world has the poorest/most hungry people?
Answer: Hungary
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
Carys’s mum has chemo.
My owl turned 180 today.
He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.
What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?
LEAN BEEF!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...