HA jokes
What has a magic car? A magic dog.
What has no legs and a human body?
A human with no legs.
What has 4 wheels and can fly? A garbage truck.
Why doesn’t the sun ☀️ go to college?
Because it has a million degrees.
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
What has two tires and no engine? A magic house 🏡
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
What has two names and one big home?
A person.
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!
What has two left legs 🦵 but can’t walk? An airport.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because it has a silent “p.”
What has 8 legs and 2 ears? A dog.
What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants 👖
British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment.
Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
A hillbilly female has to decide if she would save her brother or her boyfriend. She chose both because her brother is her boyfriend.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
Waiter says, "Sir, we ran out of ranch, so I had the boys in the back improvise. But don't worry... It has even more zip & twang to it!"