New Gf Jokes

A nickname to call your short GF:

Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok

I look at my gf’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can

Like it’s my next meal

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.

Jimmy caught his parents having sex and asked what they were doing and asked if he could join because it looked fun and his mom asked why and he replied, "Well, Mommy, I see you and the mailman do it, and when he leaves he says, 'I can't wait to cum back, that was fun!' and now you and Daddy are doing it, so I wanted to try!" The dad gets angry at this and scolds the mother saying, "I can't believe you did that when I was gone, babe!" The mother was very sad, and then the father left and went to get divorce papers, and when he left the mother told Jimmy that he'd understand when he was older.

18 years later...

Jimmy has a girlfriend and asks her to call him a sus name, and she says only in the bed, and he agrees. Later, when they both are having sex, Jimmy's girlfriend asks if he used a condom or not, and he said that he didn't know what that was, so then 9 months later, she was pregnant, but abortion was illegal, so she gives birth and puts the child up for adoption.

A few years later, Jimmy has a good job and his wife now asked to have a child, and then she asked if she could call him a sus name while he did he, he said sure, and on they went with their clothes off and under the sheets. Jimmy gets a call from his boss saying he needed to go over really fast, it was an emergency, and so Jimmy left really fast. However, his wife was very unfaithful and called in a man to come as soon as possible, and then they did it. Jimmy came home after 10-18 hours and was very happy and went to tell his wife the great new, but then he heard strange sounds coming from the room and so he wen inside and was shocked to see his father and his wife having sex. Jimmy though didn't care that his wife had cheated on him he just said, "Well baby, tonight's your lucky night," and without any hesitation ripped off his clothes and jumped in the bed and they then had a threesome, and the wife said she was very happy that she had been done x2 and when Jimmy asked why she said,"Well I had two dicks in my vagina and now I'm so refreshed!" Jimmy was happy to hear that and then had a woman come over so that his wife and a woman would have a threesome again, and so then Jimmy saw that it was his mother and he really didn't want to do it, but his wife convinced him too and so he did it and his mother was going for Jimmy's wife more and more until Jimmy no longer was in the threesome and now only Jimmy's wife and his mother were doing it, this made Jimmy mad and this bit both of their boobs and they were shocked but then they pinned him down and bit his dick and then grabbed a bottle of alcohol and made him drink until he was drunk and then he started to eat their ass' and then called his father to come to have sex again and then they all had a foursome, the wife then called the police and had then all arrested and said," You all sucked" and Jimmy said," What about you too? You sucked me!" They all died of mental desires in jail. The end.

Every like this gets, I will kill a telemarketer.

Every dislike, I will kill a cute puppy.

Every comment, I will kill your ex bf or gf and send you a PS5.

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.

im 14 i have had sex before, I have 206 bones in my body but when im with my gf i have 207

I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

When you meet your gf at the family reunion.

When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen

and then you remember you’re french

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

ex-bf's gf: your so ugly as hell me: oh did I mention that i was trying to be you

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf. Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the psg training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE🤬😡