Father jokes

A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."

Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.

My eggs are just like my dad... nonegg-istent.

What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?

Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.

Father, then the priest says, "Son, Holy Spirit, amen." No, I was asking you a question, Father.

Johny Sin's son checked his father's folder of p*rn in his laptop.

and found that in all the videos his father is...

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

Why can’t an orphan celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day? Because they have no parents.

There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.

A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"

The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."

My son said he burnt food on accident, so I told him he was an accident.

My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."

If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."

Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.

The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."

A boy and girl are fucking. The girl yells "Senpai!" The boy smiles, pleased, but then her father walks in and says "What?"

When is Father's Day?

Nine months before Mother's Day.