Excellence jokes

The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,

"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,

"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,

"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,

"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.

Q. Why is Stephen Hawking so good at air guitar?

A. Because he has excellent string theory.

I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.

Why do Asians excel at math?

Because their dog can never eat their homework.

Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?

It had excellent mussel memory.

Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it.

Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?

Me: Word.

Yo son so excellent, he gone to a Rubik’s cube competition who competed against his daddy.

Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.

Aiden's the best, in any contest, and no matter what, he'll kick your butt!

When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!

I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.