DoS jokes
How do Asian parents name their baby?
They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
Why do orphans rob banks?
Because they want to be wanted.
What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
What kind of chocolate do racists hate?
Dark chocolate.
Q: What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
A: Alien vs. Predator.
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.
Q: How do emo kids complement each other?
A: I like your cuts g.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
Sonic says if you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Q: How do you make an emo kid happy?
A: Give them a Happy Meal.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.
If a physically handicapped gay white male is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall, and if you are a gay white male that is well-endowed that is not physically handicapped, and if you want the physically handicapped gay white male who is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall to suck your dick, what do you do to convince him to suck your dick if you have a hard on and your horny as hell?
Put $25.00 under the handicapped stall before you put your dick under the handicapped stall.
What meds do snakes with ADHD take?
Adder-all.
What do you call a pregnant slave?
Buy 1 get 1 free.
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"