Dependent jokes
Q: How many aborted babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
There’s nothing funny about orphans, right?
Well, I guess that depends on your sense of humor.
Why did the orphan jump off of bridge?
So they can reunite with their dead family.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?
I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.