Collector's Item jokes

BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.