Coffee jokes
What was King Tut's favorite coffee?
De-coffin-ated.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Big tits.
When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
Coffee has been the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks in it.
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.
Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!
What is Michael Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin' Donuts.
Why do people drink Starbucks? Because it's too hot to handle!
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
I like my coffee like my men, long and black.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Dark, rich, and imported.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.
Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?
De-calf!