If orphans made phones, it wouldn't have a home button.
Childhood Jokes
Hey Gwen... I had a friend named Gwen in preschool.
The preschool was Cascade Christian and in Washington (which is close to Oregon. I read in a chat that you live there.) This is a long shot, but I think you might be the same Gwen. If not, ok.
Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van!
It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go, but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come.
We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! "Hey they want to party with us!" Timmy yelled over the whooping. "Party van!" I yelled.
Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said "P O L I C E” on the side.
We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. "Isn’t that right mommy?"
Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face, and he asks her, "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face, mother?"
His mother replies, "To make myself beautiful, Johnny."
A few minutes later, she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her, "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.
Why can’t orphans have a good childhood?
Because they could not go to theme parks! 😅😅
Little Mickel was on a tree.
He fell down and hurt his knee.
He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.
Why does the orphan hate family jokes?
Cus it doesn't have one.
What's something an orphan likes but doesn't have?
A family.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
Q: Can orphans hit a home run?
A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.
Why can’t the baby cross the road?
Walls.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why do orphans not get family size [items]?
Because they don’t have a family to share with.
Addison Banks Age (8)
"I'm a little brat who won't shut the hell up! And stop talking!"
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.
Orphan: "What family?"
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.
