Cat jokes
Why can't I be gay? I have nobody to call "daddy."
Why did the cats go in the litterbox?? To take a poop!
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
Dogs can't operate MRI machines.
But cat scan!
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.
If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Yo mama's so ugly even cartoon cat eyes got little.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"
So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.
What do you call a cat that walks slowly?
CATerpillar
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.