Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
Why do you call a fat midget?
Jiggly Puff.
Why was Sonic fast?
To be rolling around at the speed of sound, got places to go, gotta follow my lead.
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Ferb is older than Phineas because his last line.
Ferb: "I’m boutta blow this sh*t!"
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
Why did Kenny die?
Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?
How do the Powerpuff Girls vape?
They take a "power puff."
What's an orphan's least favorite film? Family Guy.
"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"
What's a Ninja's worst fear?
Garmadon actually winning.
Peter Griffin's chin.
Should I mention how much it looks like a penis?
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
What are emos' favorite TV show theme song?
Beyblade, Beyblade, let it rip!
Why do people hate Velma now?
Because she joined the Dark Side.
