Blind jokes
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What’s black and rings the doorbell?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?
They are always swinging a stick.
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
Why did Sally run into a tree?
She is blind.
Why couldn’t the house see?
The blinds were down.
What do you call a blind author?
A Braille writer.
What did the boy say to the girl? "Damn! You pissy, stank!"
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
So Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a stool, then a table, then a door...
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
Why did my dad leave me? Because I was a disappointment.
Why can’t blind people sing [if] that can’t hear because they can see the lyrics?
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What is a definition of tight?
A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.