Bed jokes

At night I became a mattress murderer.

Why was the Pokemon under your bed? So it can Pikachu.

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?

"It's pasture bed time."

When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.

Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

Why did the midget not go to bed?

He couldn't reach the bed.

I was going to tell you a cow joke...

But it's pasture bed time.

What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

What is the second hardest thing in the morning?

Getting up.