Bed jokes
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
At night I became a mattress murderer.
Why was the Pokemon under your bed? So it can Pikachu.
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.
The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."
Why did the midget not go to bed?
He couldn't reach the bed.
I was going to tell you a cow joke...
But it's pasture bed time.
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.