Bad day jokes

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.

He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.

My sister lost two things today:

1: Her virginity.

2: Her job at the zoo.

This is a bad day for me.

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

If you're having a bad day, just remember the Blobfish exists.

My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.

What would you call the previous president when he is having a bad day?

Donald Grump.

Did you hear about the bank robber?

Turns out he got shot by the police.

And he wound up in prison.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

Better than Elanga?

Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?

Everywhere.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!

Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.

He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.