They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
Student asks teacher, "If I throw an apple and noodles, which one will fall first?"
Teacher replied, "I don't know."
Then student replied, "Noodles will fall first because noodles are fast foods!"
Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?
Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
How does an apple fall from a tree?
I don't know, ask Sir Isaac Newton!
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
There once were 3 men on an airplane and one bit into an apple and said, "This is disgusting!" and threw it out the window. The 2nd man bit into a banana and said, "This is rotten!" and he threw it out the window. The 3rd man bit into a bomb and screamed, "ALL MY TEETH FELL OUT!" and he threw it out the window.
Meanwhile, on the ground, a police officer was walking and he saw a kid crying and he went up to him and asked him why he was crying. He replied, "An apple came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The police officer said, "That is weird," and kept on walking. Then he saw another kid crying and the police officer asked, "Why are you crying?" and he answered, "A banana came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The officer said, "This has been a strange day." Then he sees a kid laughing and he asked why he was laughing and he said, while he was laughing, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"
If you're ever bored, pee on an android. Apple is better!
Don’t fart in an Apple Store.
It has no Windows.
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
Okay, so I ate an apple and it tasted good.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
