Apple jokes
What do you get when you combine a planet and an apple?
Mario.
What does iCloud eat for lunch?
Your documents.
What did the butt say to the other butt? "I got big fat apples for butt checks!"
What did the corn say to the flying apple?
"That's corny."
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?
They both hang from trees.
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
You're an apple. Now suck my dick!
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
Student asks teacher, "If I throw an apple and noodles, which one will fall first?"
Teacher replied, "I don't know."
Then student replied, "Noodles will fall first because noodles are fast foods!"
Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?
Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.