And jokes
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance room have in common?
No ballroom.
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
Why was the rapper always so confident?
Because he had a lot of rhyme and reason!
How do rappers stay cool in the studio?
They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!
I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.
A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.
Don’t be racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Yo mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches sofa.
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick.