And jokes
What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?
A robot can feign empathy.
Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.
What do an emo girl and a blind girl have in common?
Black is their favorite color.
What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver!
Why do people in Alabama like peanut butter and jelly?
Because it's in bread.
What do KFC and a brothel have in common?
They’re both full of greasy chicks.
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.
They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements.
The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.”
The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.”
The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back!
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...
Michael Phelps can finish a race.