And jokes
What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You can't milk a cow for over 10 years.
My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and went right.
I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.
I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”
That's the best I've done so far.
Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?
Because he was good with bars and beats.
What's the difference between football and rape? Women don't like football.
What's the difference between a joke and three cocks? You can't take a joke.
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?
Because their meat has to be in bread.
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
What's the difference between BTS and Futurama? There's only one Bender in Futurama.
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
What’s the difference between rap lovers and the Gigachad?
Rap lovers get more pussy.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.