And jokes

Hi, I'm Adopt, and you guys hurt my feelings. It is not God :(😔😞😔đŸ„ș. I'm just a kid. I'm 7.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

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    • There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.

    The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.

    The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.

    The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

    My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

    What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?

    He can’t walkie or talkie.

    I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

    I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

    And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

    It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

    I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

    "Demon Slayer" is yay, and who's your favorite in "Demon Slayer"?

    A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

    A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

    A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

    A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

    He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"

    A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

    Two terrorists walk into a bar.

    The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."

    The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"

    Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."

    If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......

    Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga

    YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!